Today March 18th, 2011: marks the death of my dear Nanny, Irene Vautour.
For anyone who knows me well enough will understand what I am really going through. I know death is a weakness of mine, I never deal with it well. But this time, things were a bit different on how I handled it. Maybe I've matured from the "I don't understand why you had to leave" and transitioned into the woman who accepts death as a good thing. I guess as I get older, I accept death more than I imagined I would. My Nan lived a good life, she was 82 years old. I know she will longer be suffering and will finally be at peace. For any understanding individual you couldn't ask for anything more.
My Nan was always in such good humor, she could make anyone laugh. My favorite saying that she would use would be "like a pigs nuts", or "I hung up the saddle, cuz my riding days are over". You would have to know my nan to fully understand. It wasn't till some of my relatives posted some of these funny sayings on facebook that I took a different approach with her death. Instead of grieving over her death, I've been trying to teach myself ways of not focusing on just the death but rather see it as a celebration.
She was a big Bingo player, she loved it. It was one of her favorite pastimes. I always played tv bingo or fun bingo as she would call it when I was home. She loved boost the strawberry kind, and to be honest it actually did taste good. I watched a lot of the same television shows as she did. She loved Friends, and Seinfeld, she's say look at that crazy Kramer and George and laugh. These are the things I want to think of my nan for.
My mother reminds me of my Nan a lot. The way she talks, smiles and acts. I'm glad I still have a piece of her with me. I'm worried about how my mom is doing. She hasn't been well lately. I can't imagine what it's like to lose a parent and I know someday I will, but i just can't imagine what my mom is going through right now.
I understand we all die, we age and die. It's the unfortunate fact of life. So tomorrow morning I head home with my brothers Steven and Billy to be with my family and to say my final goodbyes to my Nan. I just hope I have the strength to get through this difficult time. I've had so many supportive friends here for me, it means so much. No words can fully describe how much it means to me.
On a final note, my Nan will finally be reunited with lost family and friends especially with my Grandfather Benny whom I never had the opportunity to meet and my Uncle Gary who left us suddenly in 2004.
"there is no Goodbye, it's see you later"
Love you Nan, I look forward to our meeting down the road....
..what doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger!
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