learning to let go

How do you say goodbye to someone you love dearly?

I still don't know. I still don't believe there is a goodbye.

Today was my nan's funeral. it was very emotional on more than one level. My mother was unable to attend her mother's funeral because she still isn't well. This made me sad inside but I knew my nan would understand. If anything she'd say "Donna, go lay down, get some rest". The funeral was beautiful, the church was jam packed and there was lots of tears. My nan would have loved it.

I didn't cry as much in the last couple days as I expected. I'm not the same Jen I was before my Nan passed away. There's someone with me. Someone watching over me perhaps.. I have some strength within me that I can't explain. I was that strong person hugging other people while they cried their hearts out. Some things are left unknown... for now.

I don't have to many feelings to talk about at this point. I currently have a broken heart because Im in Fredericton and not at home in Miramichi. They say home is where your heart is. I've learnt fast this year how true that really is.

I wish i could be home taking care of my mother whether it is at the hospital or at my parents home. I can't wait till this grad year is complete. It's truly been the roughest year of my life.  Maybe my nan will be at my graduation, I know she'd be proud of me for sticking it out till the end.

Learning to let go ..isn't as easy as one might hope.

She's gorgeous in this picture, but she's even more gorgeous now as an angel :)  Rest in Peace Nanny. Love you always and forever. xoxo