to be compassionate, to be responsible, to be free, to be...

Ever get so excited for something?

I am. I'm excited for home. my mother's bright smile followed by a welcoming hug. my father's grin with few words followed by a hug. I am excited to walk into my home with all my belongings from Fredericton. As much as I love Fredericton, my home in Miramichi is what I love most. I miss the atmosphere of love, of welcoming smiles from my most favorite two people in the world. Nothing makes me more proud, when I look at them. They have made me into the woman I am today, and that I am forever grateful for.

Lately I've been lonely. I'm not familiar to this feeling. I just feel a part of me is missing these days. I feel going home will do me well.

This is a picture of my wonderful parents. This exact picture is my screensaver on my laptop, so i'm reminded every time of them and how close home really is for me.  2 weeks until home. :) :) :)

soon, I will be free.. 

Endings with new beginnings?

They say when door closes another opens. I believe this to be very true. 

"When one door closes another opens. But often we look so long so regretfully upon the closed door that we fail to see the one that has opened for us" - Helen Keller

That is a quote that gets me every time. 

Last week marked my final Vanier house dinner, on April 7th. I had the opportunity of giving out my winglet awards for 3rd floor this year. So honoured because I had received that winglet award the past 2 years while being a resident on 3rd floor. I don't feel it's hit me that I'm finally leaving residence, leaving Vanier. Maybe it will hit me soon. 

Talk about hitting a person soon... grad dinner was last week as well, on April 8th. If that doesn't hit me maybe the fact that the class composite for grads was displayed in James Dunn Hall would be enough of a realization... but it's not.

I'm not sad, I'm not glad, I'm not scared. I'm excited. The future is so unknown for me, but I'm okay with that. I don't know where I will be, I don't know what I will be doing, but i do know for a fact I'm going places. 

St. Thomas has done so many good things for me. The people, the classes, the university, the organizations I took part in; live within me always. This place has given me an amazing opportunity to help discover who I am. After my first year at STU I became to realize I was meant to be here. Not that I was the smartest or most involved but I found a place that felt like home. Before I came to STU I almost had a mental breakdown from having a relationship with my first love end in 2007 and leaving the only job I knew which was Zellers. I didn't know if STU would make me, or break me. Turns out STU made me. STU made me realize there is so much more to life when I thought my world was crumbling. Just like STU has currently made me aware that because I don't have this wonderful plan to change the world, that it is okay. I am who I am because of the people I've met and the experiences I have endured. I could not ask for more. I know good things are ahead of me. I plan to enjoy this time away from school. But don't be mistaken. I'M NOT DONE SCHOOL! I am destined to go elsewhere and when that time comes, I will embrace it. 

Today is my last day of classes for my BA. I have my final class at 4. So off I go. 

There might be endings but so many new beginnings are about to start. I am so excited for that. 

What's next?

So they say bad things happen in 3's?

I hope it's only in three's. I think my bad luck is done. My mom has overcome all complications thus far, I pray to God she on the road to recovery. I lost my Nan, but she's in a good place now.  And, I didn't get into Social Work this year. How much more can I take? I'm not quite sure.

Ever have a plan and have to change those plans? Well I have to. I've been researching job prospects for next year and this summer. Been applying to many jobs. Maybe I will hear from John Howard society or the Transition house back home. Hopefully!

Reflecting back, I know I gave my social work interview and social test my all. I had so much going on and I still applied with good spirits, no one can ever ask me to do much more than that. The weird fact of this all is I haven't been down in the dumps about being rejected. I think deep down I am convinced that everything happens for a reason and that maybe I need to spend some more time at home. I can't say it's been an easy year away from home that is for sure. They always say your grad year is the best. In my situation, not so much. Possible upgrading at the college to help my GPA could be in order, some more volunteer work could be in order, or perhaps more experience in a field that will help me grow my resume. There are many possibilities. I just wish I knew what road I wanted to take and where I wanted to go. I guess home is where I'll start and where I end up, I have no idea.

Needless to say I don't know what's next..technically. However I like that feeling. It's not as scary as one might think.

actually i lied because Graduation is next. Oh what a nice achievement that is going to be! :)